It’s the only time I ever consider buying a space heater, but I always end up deciding I don’t want to be the one responsible for burning down the office.

Personally, I hate the cold. I have a coworker who is absolutely fantastic, but she loves winter, and for that we will always be mortal enemies on some irrelevant level, even though we are actually friends. Because you see what frigid temperatures do? They rot your brain so that none of your thoughts or conclusions make sense.

But when the summer comes I forget about our bitter feud, because after all, who ever cared in the first place? The answer is me. I did. Because all I’m concerned with is being warm, which makes my building such a miserable place to be in once May rolls around. There are no moderate settings for the thermostats: only frostbite and heatstroke.

And so, one must dress carefully so as to allow for a full range of comforts. Take, therefore, this trench dress I bought from the Gap one day when there was a sale and I didn’t need to be shopping: it’s a master chameleon. Its long sleeves and maxi-length hem protect from arctic blasts (sort of), yet with the slit of the skirt and rollability of the arms, you can feel free to venture out into the sun if and when you please (sort of).

My point is that it’s impossible to dress for New York in the summer, but I try anyway because I never learn anything.

The photos below were taken so graciously by another lovely coworker with my iPhone, because I can’t get my shit together and remember my DSLR. I did what I could in Photoshop, which admittedly is not much. So I know the photos are a little grainy, but y’all will work through them, right? No? Just squint real hard.

Me, in my natural state of confusion.

“OH. Haha. I get it now.”

“Actually, no.”

And that's about it. So remember, guys:

I'm sorry.