Strugglista

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New York: If you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. Sort of.

And here are the reasons why:

You will gain super strength.

Going up and down subway stairs during rush hour with two or three weeks worth of groceries = Every endurance workout for the rest of your life.

 

You will become an expert map reader.

So long as it is color coded with elliptical routes, and doesn’t extend past a thirteen-mile radius, which encompasses one island that is set up on a grid.

 

You will learn the value of a dollar.

It is $0 dollars.

 

You will realize the right thing to do in witnessing a street fight is not walk away.

Ryan Gosling might appear out of nowhere to break it up.

 

You will be unparalleled in time management.

Two transfers? Not leaving the apartment.

 

You will inevitably be the bravest human ever.

I ain't scared of no rat! Waterbug, yes.

 

You will perfect your survival skills.

I could run away into the woods and set up camp with all the shit that finds its way into my backpack.

 

You will master keeping your cool.

Leonardo DiCaprio’s strolling down Bowery? DON’T NO ONE GAF. Except for me, I gaf.

 

You will grow ambitious, and go for what you want.

SLOW MOVERS TO THE RIGHT OF THE STAIRS, FAST TO THE LEFT.

 

You will reach Nirvana.

Because that is truly the only place to go when you are late for work and the L train malfunctions for the third time in a week.