Cold shoulders, warm heart. Just kidding, the heart's cold, too.

I’m clinging onto the remaining days of sandal and shirt weather. Admittedly, wearing sandals in New York typically results in a pretty grody foot situation, as I discovered the first time I braved flip-flops outside, but hey man: if them toes gotta wiggle freely, them toes gotta wiggle freely.

Cold-shoulder tops are the sandals of shirts. A sandal is a deconstructed shoe, and a cold-shoulder top is a deconstructed shirt, deconstructed being used here as a fancy way of saying, “cut holes into.”

I mean, look at that shirt. The person who designed it watched Mean Girls too many times and thought that by cutting holes out of the shoulders instead of the boobs, no one would notice they BASICALLY did the exact same thing Lindsay Lohan did in the movie. But I love it, I don’t care what the hell it looks like. It’s like being able to wear a sleeveless shirt without having to shave my armpits: the friends with benefits of sleeveless shirts.

And sandals are essentially shoes with holes cut in them. They, however, existed way before Mean Girls. In fact, maybe Tina Fey saw a woman wearing sandals one day and thought, “Ha! Toe cleavage. That’s like a low cut shirt for feet.” Which made her think of boobs, which made her think of boobs in shirts, which made her think of boobs sticking out of shirts, and voila, the famous boob-cutting scene was born.

You see, guys: everything is connected. If anyone ever argues against that, let them know about this toe-boob association. If you’re lucky, they’ll only look at you like you’re an idiot, and not actually tell you you’re one.

Everything is from Zara. Per usual. They have great sales.

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