Fancy Pants.

I hated wearing dresses or skirts as a child. They were representative of stuffy events, sitting still, and being bored. And on no occasion was my being forced to wear either one not preceded by an epic showdown with my mother. Because I was a weird, petulant child (who grew into a weird, petulant adult), it usually only resolved itself with the compromise that I could wear shorts underneath.

Fast forward to present day, where the stuffy events I attend are now of my own choosing, cutting into my sitting still time will result in the interrupter’s imminent death, and "boring" is no longer a word in my vocabulary, as staring at the ceiling has become my preferred activity. And yet . . . and yet . . . there are still residual feelings of anxiety when I wear anything skirted. “What if I need to sprint or jump?!” I’ll ask myself quite seriously while traveling on the subway, as the sleeping passenger sitting next to me begins to roll his head dangerously towards my shoulder. “Like right now, for instance.”

It’s a very odd apprehension, but one that I have. I reserve no judgment against femininity—in fact I think it’s a lovely quality. But I question femininity’s affection for ME. Have you ever had a sweat trail that outlines your bra? Yes? Cool. Now have you ever had that for your thong? Yeah. Also, forget being able to ladyspread, unless you’re super chill with strangers being able to see and judge where your potential children will come from. Which, I am not. Why is sitting generally so difficult in a dress or skirt? There’s always something that needs to be shifted or rearranged. That never happens with pants! You just sit, end of story! There’s no need to fill your head with concern over whether you’re going to leave butt sweat on a seat somewhere. So grody.

But I've found a solution! I’ve realized the answer to my problem is to return to my childhood habit of wearing shorts under errything. Shorts under skirts, shorts under dresses, shorts under pants, shorts under shorts—because, chafing.

Seriously it hurts a lot.

Top from H&M; Shorts from Cos; Heels from Zara; Skirt from Junk Williamsburg; Marble necklace from Forever 21; Handmade rose quartz necklace.