Thursday kicked off Fashion Week in New York, or, The Celebration of People Who Are Remarkably Tall and Thin and Beautiful Week. Which means for the next few days I can watch street style bloggers nearly get hit by cars as they try to snap photographs of these modern day Amazons leaving fashion shows, all from the safety of my work desk two stories up.

What's that you say? I sound jealous?

Oh! Haha, my dears, I apologize for the confusion. Allow me to clarify.

THAT'S BECAUSE I AM.

Because I am not remarkably tall and thin and beautiful. I am decent looking, and if I don't watch it my body has the tendency of building up cushion quite easily (despite what is believed), and when people remark on my stature they say, "Oh my god you're so small" in a way that makes it sound like my height directly correlates to my IQ level. Which, if that were the case, would not be high.

No, no, I am not remarkably tall and thin and beautiful, but that does not mean I want to feel any less relevant just because I am none of those things. Like every individual on this planet, there are qualities I possess that make me unique and special, and essentially, someone who should give no fucks if my standard deviation of the mean of Fashion Week royalty is all over the place. I want to be what I am and appreciated for it. Such as:

A HOT MESS WHO LIKES TO DO THINGS HER OWN WAY (AKA THE HARD WAY) BECAUSE SHE NEVER LEARNS THE FIRST TIME AROUND.OR THE SECOND. PROBABLY NOT THE THIRD EITHER.

So I'mma go ahead and celebrate that.

Here we go.

Hi there! We're No Fucks Sweatpants. Want to to wear something you can just slip on, easy breezy? Cool, we're your pants. Oh, one thing, though: the reason why we're so easy and breezy is because we're actually made out of linen, which is the most pain-in-the-ass fabric to maintain. Because, #nofuckssweatpants.

J. Crew pull-on linen pants.

Whaddup, homie? I'm No Fucks Tuxedo Shirt. I'm supposed to have collar flaps but I got this bad ass bling going on instead, and I'm see through as shit. And no: I did not see the need for sleeves. Also, even though I'm a button up, I'm only half a button up, so you're still going to have to slip me on over your damn head. Watch out for those deodorant streaks. Because, #nofuckstuxedoshirt.

J. Crew Factory tuxedo shirt.

Oh hai: We're No Fucks Earrings. Technically we're post-backs, but we're still gonna be all up on your jawline because, #nofucksearrings.

Banana Republic earrings.

Yo. We're No Fucks Sandals. We look super comfortable, right? We look like wonderfully cushioned grandma shoes, right? NOAP. We're going to give you blisters with every range of motion. Because, #nofuckssandals.

COS leather sandals.

¿Que pasa, ese? I'm No Fucks Headband. Didn't feel like wearing a Mexican blanket on your head? Too bad. Because, #nofucksheadband.

Urban Outfitters headband.

Sup. I'm No Fucks Jumping Picture. What? I'm not actually jumping? Right, well, that's due to my being TOO GODDAMNED TIRED. Because, #nofucksjumpingpicture.

Zing.

Happy No Fucks Week.

I mean, Fashion Week.

And that's about it. So remember, guys:

You got this.